Unmotivated Enthusiast

Picture from flickr.com

You might be thinking I am one of these people who try to be ‘cool’ and ‘different’ by labelling themselves and allowing that label to define them in a sense. But, oh boy, are you wrong.

The idea of an “unmotivated enthusiast” has been with me for as far as I can remember. I have never been called this exact name in my life, but these two words popped up during various stages in my life. Back in primary school I was probably the definition of a perfect student. My homework was always turned in, I had listened to my teachers, and never gotten myself into any sort of trouble. Halfway through middle school I started to lose my energy.  I still did my homework and absolutely loved some of my classes, but doing extra work to get a better grade, or staying after school for some extra-curricular classes simply didn’t seem like the thing I wanted to actually do.

It might sound like the typical pre-teen thing to say, but the difference with me was that I actually really liked the idea of some of these assignments. I sometimes went as far as planning some of them and… that was about it. It bothered me as I truly wanted to be productive and complete the essays and presentations I had to do, but I couldn’t. I know kids often don’t want to do their work and prefer to play, but I didn’t feel like doing either. I was truly excited to go to the cinema with my friends, but I couldn’t be bothered to actually get dressed and take the train to the city. Just the idea of it sounded fantastic. The process itself… not so much.

You might be thinking: “But doesn’t this sound like depression?” And you’re right, it kinda does. But despite the problems I had to face at school and at home, I was usually the goofy kid who always made others laugh. I did struggle with adapting to the new environment after my family and I moved to another country, but it was only a brief moment in my teenage life. Life’s awesome and there’s nothing I’d like to change. 

I am currently in high school, and have two more years before I graduate. My future seems to be planned – my dream is to become a plastic surgeon and work in a clinic somewhere in London. Just like most of the dreamers my wish is to apply to University of Oxford in about a year.

What I am trying to get across with my rambling, is that you are the only thing stopping you from achieving your dream. My nickname and the partial story I wrote about in the previous paragraphs is there to make you realise what the biggest on your path to success really is. I have everything I need in order to succeed – loving family, life in a 1st world country, and the privilege of going to a private school. Despite all these things, I still struggle to succeed. But that’s not because I’m “dumb”, but because a part of me simply refuses to cooperate. And even though it is just a lame excuse for most of you reading this, I really hope you realise the biggest demons are inside of us, and not around us.

Muse